What rupture to choose?

In contrast to all the stress due to the pandemic, I have felt a lot of relief. I was able to return home after living in Canada for the last three years and being back with my family has made me feel safe. At the beginning of this brainstorm, thinking of a rupture felt quite forced, since I had not felt at such peace in a long time.

Ideas

Toxic relationship to dancing

Fear of failure

Excessive reliance on one thing

Self acceptance

I reflected after my brainstorm and realized these ideas didn't feel as current. I had dealt with these issues in past artworks. Also, I didn't feel as I had the energy to deal with them again.

Will this peace be disturbed once I return to Canada?

How/where/why do I feel peace back in my home country?

I thought more and more about these questions and started to remember my actions when I first arrived to the Netherlands for my exchange.

When asked to introduce myself, my first instinct was to say "I'm Janira and I am a exchange student from Canada". Stating that I came from Ecuador felt like a hassle and I did not want to risk the stereotypes or prejudice that I had encountered previously in Canada.

Am I
ashamed
of my
culture?

Metaphorical Mending

This brainstorm aided in self reflection, yet I want to narrow it down further.

I also realized that I tend to focus more on outsider perception, instead of my personal self-validation.

After experiencing stereotyping and prejudice when I first moved to Canada, my suspicions and fear about my culture were confirmed. In the majority of cases people didn't know what Ecuador was, and if they did, I was instantly placed into a box about who I was and reduced to an inferior stereotype.

When I first arrived to the Netherlands for the exchange, I knew I wanted to be treated as an equal. It was a chance for reinvention and reintroduction, "fixing previous mistakes". To mention I studied in Canada as my main identity felt like a validation, a certificate that I deserved the same treatment as everyone else.

However, looking back, it seems like a denial of my culture and race.

What to mend?

For my mending project, I want to come to terms with my value as an immigrant person, and with the insecurity and shame I have with my culture, when I am outside of it. I want not to rely as much on others' perception. As much as I'd like to change everyone's view of my race, I can't.

I believe that my mending will involve a process of self acceptance and forgiveness of who I am.

Ecuador Janira

Canada Janira

Abroad
Janira

Janira is not less/more than anybody else.

Questions to

I will be using metaphorical mending to address my rupture. I want to fix my relationship with my culture and identity, through acknowledging that my background is valid and as worthy as others'.

The process is quite internal, so I am still thinking about how to translate it into a video. As preliminary ideas, I am thinking about a performance of identity in different settings, yet I believe that as I continue to explore, I will find other mediums.

THINK ABOUT

Who is Janira in different countries?

How does she behave?

How does she see herself? vs. How do others see her as?

How would she like for others to see her as?

Where is the feeling of shame coming from? Is it individual or does it only appear in a group setting?

What is she proud about her culture? What doesn't she like?

CLASSIFICATIONS

However, I do acknowledge that this identity conflict is heavily dependent on the perception of third-world countries vs developed countries.

Rizvi's Decolonization as Care covers the influence of priviledge and how real change starts with a focus on yourself.

Long history of colonialism

to consider

UNDERLYING FEAR I AM LESS WORTHY.

Media Representation

JLo

Sofia Vergara

SHIFT
THE
FOCUS
FROM
EXTERNAL
TO
INTERNAL

Over-sexualization of Latinas. Standard of sexiness, spicy. A hot body that is outspoken and loud.

Ecuador as a third-world country

"Underdeveloped"
"Economically unstable"
"Poor"
"Colonized"
"Inferior"
"Low Education"
"Limited access to healthcare"

What does our culture teach us?

Constant reinforcement that we need to migrate to educate ourselves, find jobs and seek a better life.

Staying in your country means failure.

Ingrained racism- being white means better, constant thought to take care of your skin, don't go to the sun